Gotta learn how to let you go

I sleeplessly woolgather 
You're my bittersweet muse
It pains me to remember
But I can't forget you.
You'll never lead me astray
Never find someone better
Love me 'til my dying day
Share adventures together.
Your spirit on the wind
Guided me into the wilderness
No promises to amend 
No trust to harness.
Like the dream you left 
So abruptly interrupted
I woke alone in a cold sweat
This heart now corrupted.
I love you, it's true
But like a rose and its thorn 
I hate you, I do
So forever I'll mourn.
These bags under my eyes
Have replaced your presence
But they don't keep me alive
Like the warmth of our romance.
Though my reason and emotion
Will be centered in time 
Your ghost stirs commotion
Your memory remains divine.

Have You Seen Me Lately?

I believed in true love

Until it stabbed me in the back

Suppressed me with contradictions

Lead me astray and beyond

You were amazing to me

A rudderless dreamboat

With sails of butterfly wings

And hummingbird feathers

My winds were destined

Straight for paradise

For heaven, for Loveland

I would sweep us there

If only you were strong

All I could do was love you

Like the tidal wave I was

Marveling from afar

But to swim you knew not

So we had everything to lose

Straight from the gun

We were two tumbleweeds

Rambling across the desert

And in all that open space

We somehow collided

B-lined for the highway

Bound to cause a car crash

Well you didn’t want to see

All the good I was to bring

And I preferred to muffle

The darkness in your depths

So we were always separated

By a barrier of ignorance

But you seemed much closer

When I wore those rosy lenses

“When you know, you know”

Until you realize you don’t know

Then I’m just standing there

With a dizzy grin and my heart

Outstretched in both palms

Naked to the flesh, vulnerable

As he draws the curtains open

The audience is howling

Like a hundred starving wolves

Well, the jokes on me

Because he’s in the front row

Holding up the laugh track

Foolishness arrests me

So I’m trying my hardest

To break down evenly

To become a pesky stain

On your creaking floorboards

Until there is no surviving proof

That we fell miserably in love

Then fell gracefully apart

Silence and Stars

You feel about as far away as all these stars out here tonight, and the eeriness of your disappearance haunts me with the same unease as the infinite nature of the universe. Really, love, you’re something cosmic to me, a collision between timing and bad fortune, and the aftermath was a shattered mess more uninhabited than the night sky.

I try to connect the dots to make logical constellations.

It’s all a puzzle fresh out of the box: pieces upside-down, pieces right-side-up, corners and edges scattered amongst the shuffle. I ache to build the framework, but is it worth it?

I’ve sorted the edges out from the rest, and started constructing the dream again.

Would you even notice? Have you buried some pieces deep inside you, where they can’t complete what’s inside me?

I look up at the stars again, this time with binoculars, but they only amplify the number of fragmented light particles piercing through the black backdrop.

Where do I begin?

How can I remind you of the constellations we painted when we were falling in love?

The sun set in haste, and adjusting to the darkness is torture.

In the end, when I’m in my loneliest hour and I hate what you did to me, I love you all the same. I said it out loud, because it slipped away too many times before. Because if I never told you, you’d never know.

I wish you’d fallen in love with me, too.

Who Am I To You?

Leave your mark and walk away

Turn your back

So you can't see how it spreads through me.

That bruise that internalized

From passion to pain.

Cover your ears, pick up the pace

So you can't hear

The wolves howling over their prey

Let the fog grow thick

Let the darkness fall

Engulfing all of your senses

Until you are disconnected 

From you, from us, from life.

Indifference and selfishness.

When tomorrow's sun rises

Come back to see if I'm still here

See if I'm still me.

I fear you won't.

My heart remains open

It will bleed until it's dry

Like the bones you left of me.

Bury them deep in your soul

And they'll weigh it down

Until you shame your infamy

And learn to love again.

Just a Dream

We rub our eyes

Try to shake the effortless grin from our beaming faces

Wondering aloud, "is it all real?"

Pondering, "am I dreaming?"

You're not a psychic, not a god

No counterfeit of some lofty dream

Yet you galvanize the best in me

You hold me like I was born to be held

Complete me as if I were broken my whole life

I've never felt so enamored 

Never imagined a soul so receptive of affection

Oscillating in the same waves as my own

Exhaling the same breath of relief 

In twenty-three years and some-odd days

Every step we've taken

All the regrets and defeats

Have resolved to this moment 

Where we achieve our greatest prize of all:

Understanding, compassion, companionship

Serendipity in it's finest suit

Love.